So I tweeted yesterday about Patricia Evangelista's article on Rappler (see: http://www.rappler.com/nation/39988-the-song-of-zamboanga) . It was about a family losing their two-year-old son to the MNLF and the military crossfire in Zambo. More than the story itself, I loved how Patricia crafted every word, every line and how she made every note bang. I believe she masters on tragic and heart-piercing stories such as this and the one she wrote about Jonas Burgos. I literally shed tears for both articles. I guess that's how powerful words are; they make you transcend beyond horizons, taking you to a different paradigm.

But to top it all, another person who I look up to in the field of writing and journalism retweeted me! Hihi. It's Rappler CEO Maria Ressa. I couldn't be happier!

Labels: Little joys

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

Kahit pakiramdam ko ngayon pinagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa dahil sa dami ng problema ko, alam kong di Nya ako pinapabayaan. Day 1 pa lang ng struggle ko, pinaalalahanan nya na ako ng kung ano ang tama at mali. Pinapaulanan nya na ako ng signs. Totoo. Hindi yung coincidence lang. Alam kong maraming posibleng mangyari and yet, pinapangyari Nya yung magkakaron ng impact sa akin. Una, nakita ko silang magkasama nung Traslacion. Late na kaming lumabas ng bahay noon at sobrang dami ng daan sa Naga pero nagkasalubong pa kami sa iisang daan. Kinaumagahan naman, bumungad sakin ang picture nilang magkasama at masaya. Ang stress lang. Masakit nang konti pero lesson yata ito. Oo, lesson ito. Sinundan yun ng pagkakita ko sa kanya sa mall. Sobrang lapit namin sa isa't isa pero ako lang yung nakakita sa kanya. Bago yun ay nakita ko si Marvs, na bihirang pumupunta sa Ateneo Ave, at saktong namang late ako lumabas ng school. Ayun, parang plinano lahat-- ang paglabas ko ng late ang pagkakita namin bilang sya ang pinaka-praktikal, harsh, at straight to the point na kaibigan kong kung magbigay ng payo e babaon sa buto mo. Hindi pa yun natapos. Nalaman kong ang best friend nya I somehow (sorry, judgmental), the a-hole, pariwara type of guy which makes me think maybe ganon din sya. Forgive mo Lord. And then next, I saw a blog post dated 2008 by a girl he once courted and Jesus, this guy's a pro in flirting! It makes me think that he's a plain flirt and uncontented young man who make girls fall in love with her that easy. This morning, the first thing I saw on Twitter was a post from Thought Catalog entitled What Do Women Do When They Found Out You Were The Other Woman. Great. Just great and timely for me to see this. Hay!

Pero the cute thing is, andami ko palang angels in disguise sa buhay ko! Hindi ko inakalang ganun Nya ako ka-mahal at talagang pinapadalhan Nya ako ng reinforcement in the form of friends. Anlakas pala ng support system ko kaso madalas e mas pinipili kong i-sensationalize ang pain at problema. Nagguilty tuloy akong di ko Sya kinakausap ngayon dahil alam kong malaki ang kasalanan ko. However, hindi Nya ako pinapabayaang mag-isa.

Just tonight, someone texted me. Sabi nya kamusta daw ako, how is my life and do I have concerns dow ba na gusto kong ipasali sa prayers nya. The number wasn't saved in my phone and I found out later that it was Ate Love, someone from Teo's BBCC family. I used to attend some of their Sunday sessions in BBCC before. Sobrang timing lang at nafeel kong pinagpala ako to have my friends, even Ate Love, na kahit through text ay gusto akong tulungan. Kahit through text ay pinapaabot sa kin ang words ni God at pinapalakas ako. Sobrang mahal mo talaga ako, God no? This problem even made me reconcile with my ex whom I hated a lot. Hay. Salamat, God. Mahal kita. Sorry kung sobrang tigas ng ulo ko at kahit binabato mo na ako ng signs e patay-malisya pa rin. Andami palang nagmamahal sakin. Kahit sa ask.fm, nag-aanonymous para lang mapagaan ang dinadala ko. You are indeed an amazing God. Thank you for not leaving me. Thanks for the endless love. :(

Labels: Faith

Him: Why do you keep on building walls?
Me: Am I?
Apparently yes, I'm talking about us. Why do that?
Haha I tried not to build walls kaso inda, nasagasaan ng ego ko so yuuuun.
Importante talaga yan? Ang ego.
Yes. Triny ko man baga. But we never really worked out.
How do you want things to work?
Dai mo na isipon yan. Tapos na e.

I'm done trying.

Be tough. You're okay. You have friends, great friends! 
You can get over this. Be a stone!